An INFJ's Journey To Self Discovery

An INFJ's journey to self discovery image
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In one sentence - It was hard. Growing up, I discovered quite quickly that I was different. The two words that I remember being used to describe me while growing up were - "Quiet and Slow." There were many instances in which the words were used but, the most notable experience was my tenth birthday anniversary. 

I was born into a Christian family, so most celebrations were carried out within the religious gathering - my ten years old birthday celebration was not excluded either. It was a surprise celebration - I had no idea that it was being planned until the birthday morning when a huge cake landed on our doorstep. We (My family and I) took the cake and some snacks to the church family for the celebration, as was the norm. 

Several people who had close relationships with me were given the chance to talk about me during the ceremony. I remember vividly because the event was recorded into a tape which I watched severally growing up. My brother and dad had a lot of good stuff to say about me – the fact that I had good grades, that I was not easily angered, my calm nature, etc. However, they both stressed those two points – my brother at the children's session and my dad at the general session – that I was too quiet and slow. 

My dad was concerned about this nature, so concerned that he requested the church to pray it out of me. This concern further drove him to send me to a military strictly boarding secondary school or high school, as it is called in most parts of the world. 

An INFJ Child's Survival Of A Military Life 

Six years of boarding in a military environment as a child gave me a lot of experiences, but it did not fundamentally change my "slow and quiet" nature, to the surprise of my family. Yes! It made me more expressive, but I only did that consciously at will. If anything, it filled me with more fear and obedience, or should I say discipline? 

When I initially got into the school, my nature was very evident to all, and unfortunately for me, it drew the attention of "predator-seniors", bullies who threatened me and made me do biddings that my other "more expressive" mates were not willing to do. On the brighter side, it made me find favour with the civilian teachers and military officers. They were aware that I was mostly engrossed with reading a book or writing a journal, that I had little or no time to chit-chat, let alone cause noise during prep classes. So, I was, most times, excused from general punishments allotted to noisemakers. 

At the time I began to have junior students, I made a decision never to do anything that I did not like being done to me, to them. I made it a point of duty to carry out all my chores by myself and I offered my assistance to them when they needed it – especially with some difficult subjects that I understood. I drew them close and stood up to my mates when they were punished unjustly or when they were maltreated. 

As expected, some junior students took me for granted, much to the amusement of some of my mates but, that did not alter my resolve. I had set an internal standard for myself, that my perfectionism could not let my fault. The good side to it was that I ended up graduating as the Most Well Behaved Female Student of my set. Little did I know that I was being watched by the School authorities and that the junior students were part of the determinants of who went home with the said award. 

Understanding The "Quiet and Slow" INFJ

My discovery of the Myers-Briggs Typing Indicator (MBTI) gave my life a huge shift. I began to understand myself better and with time, I discovered that my said nature was common to most introverts, especially INFJs. I found out that the reason I felt different for most parts of my life was that the INFJ personality was quite rare. (I have met a handful of INFJs in life now though.) 

Before I discovered MBTI, I was carried away with the four temperaments and their blends. Several tests I took suggested that I was Melancholy-Phlegmatic but, I did not fully resonate with it as I do with the INFJ-MBTI. 

I realised that the major reason for my quiet nature was my inward-turning i.e thinking and imagining, things I needed to do to get energised, as is common to every introvert. I also realised that my slowness came as a result of my perfectionism in trying to get things perfectly done with no mistakes and the fact that I was mostly carried away by my thoughts, so oblivious to my environment. Most people are not aware of this because it is all happening in my head which they cannot see and they make judgments mostly based on what they can see – my actions. 

As I studied the MBTI, I discovered that everything about the INFJ personality resonated with me and that I have been misunderstood in most parts of my life. My mother especially believed that I was slow because I was lazy about carrying out assignments and tasks given to me. She thought that the solution was raising her voice at me, but that only made me retreat further into my shell. 

My journey to self-discovery has been priceless so far. I discovered that my love languages were primarily Words of Affirmation and Quality time. This discovery made me understand why I feel hurt when harsh words were used on me and also when I felt neglected by loved ones. I began to understand my decision-making process from my MBTI - INFJ. I learned that I draw energy from spending time alone (I – Introversion). That I am very intuitive and emotionally intelligent (N – Intuition). I learned that I make my decisions based on both my and others' feelings (F) more than thinking (T), which is why I naturally stand up for people who are maltreated or treated unjustly (Advocate). I also learned that I work best within a structured environment, then taking it as it comes (J – Judging). 

Introvert, Dear

I initially had relatively low self-esteem growing up, but the discovery of my personality type has given me a voice. I have begun to freely ask questions and express myself, without the fear of being shut up. When certain fears stir up, I know it is all in my head so, I shut down my inner critic and follow through with my plans anyway. I began to groom my passion for writing, I know it is still in the growth phase and against all odds, I let out my voice by setting up Luvlybee's blog while I was at the University. 

One day, back then in the University, one of my coursemates walked up to me and said "You know that you are mysterious, right? One would think that someone who has so much to say on the internet, would be very chatty in real life!" So, yes! I am still quiet but I have come to embrace myself for being me and that is the best confidence boost I have received In my life yet. I believe that it is the best anyone can receive. 

So, here is what I have to say: 'Dear INFJ, do not be apologetic for being you but strive to become a better version of yourself every day! Avoid comparing yourself to others, instead learn from them. Read Self Growth and Development books, I recommend Dr. Myles Munroe's Uncover Your Potential for a start. Attend Personal Development programs. Analyse your actions, always ask yourself about the motives behind the actions you take. Most importantly, know God for yourself, Accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour through faith and begin to experience the transforming power of the Holy Spirit as you yield to Him – you would gradually overcome your weaknesses and begin to bear the fruits of the Spirit.

These are things that I do and I hope you can try applying.

Edit: I was wondering about the essence of self-discovery when I came across this article and I agree. Self-discovery/awareness is good. But, what next? After a diagnosis, the next thing is to profer a cure. As Christians, Jesus Christ has bestowed us with the cure to being our best selves — yielding to the Holy Spirit in us, being Spirit-controlled
Having the Holy Spirit is not synonymous with yielding. Yielding is a deliberate process of putting our natural traits/habits under God's control! A process of obedience to the directions of the Spirit of God.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this article and that you gained a thing or two. Please, drop your comments, your reactions, and kindly share this post with your contacts. Don't forget to subscribe to the blog too. 🙂✌️

Comments

  1. Thank you so much - :) was very interesting to read - and btw: WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT - so - my path is not like yours ♥ BUT PLEASE BE YOURSELF and do continue your path - do not listen to the others - that helped me also a great deal!

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    1. Thank you Thorivee. I appreciate your feedback 🙂

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  2. Replies
    1. I appreciate you too Adam. Thank you!🙂

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  3. Thank you for your share ❤❤

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome. Thank you for engaging.🙂

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